She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't deserve a penis
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
