More tranny stories later!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
