apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
