There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
