my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He shit in the fireplace
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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