I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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