did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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