is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize