the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
