Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
