i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize