So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
