He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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