Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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