i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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