I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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