Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
