If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
