It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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