mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
