Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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