Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
