just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
