a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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