I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
