I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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