he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
