Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
