i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
