i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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