one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
