well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
