I wanna passion pit in your ass
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
