A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
