I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
