Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
