I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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