I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
