I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
