What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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