I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
