It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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