I faked an abortion last night.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
