I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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