so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
