One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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