omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
handjob tips. give me some.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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