she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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