i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
