Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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