it was like his penis was on wheels.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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