I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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