I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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