would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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