i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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