Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
