I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
