He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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