i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
