i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
