its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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