I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
