i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
