yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
