Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
