She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
