I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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