The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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