he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
