id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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