wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
