if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
