woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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