i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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